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“望子成龙” 潜在的危险----摧毁孩子的自尊             The danger of aiming too high for your children
2009年09月21日

  “望子成龙”几乎是每个家长的心声, 但很多家长没有意识到它对孩子的危害和影响. 在这种心态下, 孩子从小就会形成以成就来评定自己的价值, 如果比不上其他人, 孩子就会产生自己没有本事, 没有水平的感觉, 对自己没有信心, 严重影响了他们的学习和生活.
  Wishing a bright future for one’s children is every parent’s dream, but many don’t realize the associated dangers it may cause to the children they love so dearly. This preoccupation of parents often exerts massive pressure on the children to perform academically from an early age, and makes them constantly compare themselves to others in terms of grades; and if they compare poorly, they lose confidence in themselves and that severely affects their studies, even day to day living.

  孩子的自尊需要在不断的鼓励, 肯定和欣赏中慢慢培养起来, 这是一种长期的努力, 如果家长一味的将期望加在孩子身上, 缺乏对孩子的肯定, 久而久之, 孩子的自尊没有办法建立起来, 不相信自己, 也必然在压力之下形成各种各样的应对方式, 较轻的情绪低落, 上课走神, 整日担心忧虑, 严重的逃避学习, 沉迷玩乐, 这些表面上看来是孩子不努力, 辜负家长的期望, 其实真正的情况是孩子不胜重负后发展出来的一种缓解低自尊带来的焦虑.
  Children’s self-confidence is a result of constant encouragement and reassuring. This is a long term process that needs to start early on. If too many expectations are heaped upon the youngster, this will almost inevitably result in disappointment and negativity. If this keeps up for prolonged periods, it’s almost impossible for the child to build confidence in themselves and they will certainly develop strategies to escape, such as truancy, indulgence in computer games or other forms of entertainment. It seems on the surface an irresponsible attitude and behaviour on the students’ part, but in fact it’s a coping mechanism for them to deal with the anxiety and pressure caused by parents’ unrealistic expectations and lack of encouragement.

  所以, 对于家长而言, 能否做到不让自己的期望影响孩子的自尊发展是一个艰难的挑战. “望子成龙”满足的是家长的需要, 而非对孩子的成长有利.  如果家长真的希望自己的孩子将来成为一个有责任有能力的人, 就必须做出选择, 从内心底放下对孩子的期望, 接纳和肯定孩子任何的努力和投入, 鼓励孩子发展自己的兴趣, 勇于承担后果和正确看待差距, 培养他们对自己的信心. 孩子如果能充分相信自己, 就有机会发挥他们最大的潜力, 必然会取得卓越的成就. 
  It is easier said than done not to allow one’s expectations for one’s child to become an obstacle for the young minds to grow and mature healthily. From a certain perspective, aiming too high for one’s child is a want to be satisfied for oneself rather than a need for the child. If you really hope your child to become a useful and responsible member of society when he/she enters it, then you should shed yourself and your child of the burden of the perfect ten, accept him/her for who they are, and truly appreciate any little effort and progress they make. When you have a self-confident and self-respecting child, you can be sure you will have a successful adult who realizes their potential to the fullest.
  

  交流学院 心理咨询师   SCIE School Counsellor
  唐然       Laura TANG

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