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爱对孩子意味着什么?What does it mean to love your child?
2009年09月22日

  并非每个父母都了解爱的真正意涵, 从心理学意义上来讲, 爱是对于一个孩子自我和人格发展的重要条件. 这里爱指的是尊重, 信任, 接纳, 欣赏. 尊重意味着平等的对待孩子, 鼓励和促进孩子的自主性发展, 把孩子视做一个独立的个体, 而非家长的附属品. 信任不仅包括相信孩子自己的判断力和感受力, 同时指一种信念, 即相信孩子终能自己发展完好, 按照孩子自己的步伐. 接纳是指无条件的接纳一个人自然的情感和态度的表现, 如对兴趣的喜爱, 对性的好奇, 以及差强人意的学习成绩等等. 接纳必须是不带附加条件的, 每当孩子成绩不好就责备孩子只会让孩子内心里产生羞愧感, 觉得他们只有成绩好才配得到爱, 失败或情感流露如果不被允许, 孩子会失去对自己的判断力,不能学会相信自己的感受, 会在对错准则和内心感受间徘徊. 最后一点是欣赏, 人的自我的形成需要透过身边重要的他人的肯定, 家长的欣赏和肯定会帮助孩子产生对自己的信心, 帮助孩子从内心建立他们存在的价值感, 他们对自己的认同感. 通过不断的欣赏和肯定, 一个有着高自我价值感, 高度自主性和更多内在自由的孩子就会逐步的走向成熟.
  Not every parent truly understands the meaning of love. From a psychological point of view, love for a child is a crucial component of character development. Love encompasses respect, trust, acceptance and appreciation. Respect entails treating a child as a person in their own right, encouraging him/her to develop freely as an independent entity, rather than an appendix of the parent. Trust does not only mean believing in your child’s judgment and ability, but also conveys a faith that he/she will develop a good attitude in the end, no matter how challenging it may seem at any given time. Acceptance is taking on of your child’s natural emotions and attitudes, including interests and curiosities even in some taboo subjects. Such acceptance should be unconditional with no strings attached. If you tell your child off for a bad test score, you can actually send a wrong message that he/she does not deserve your love unless they get good scores. The end result is that your child loses his/her ability to judge for themselves, and become unsure of how to relate to parents. The last point is appreciation. Children’s positive growth of character needs constant reassuring by those who love them, which goes a long way to building self confidence and self respect, which in turn fosters independence and maturity.   

心理咨询师   SCIE School Counsellor
唐然       Laura TANG

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