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为人父母需要学习吗? Do Parents Also Need to Study?
2009年11月13日

  也许对于上面这个问题, 很多家长会觉得莫名其妙. 难道为人父母还需要学习吗? 事实上答案是, 如果你真的希望孩子成长为一个正直的, 有同情心的, 敢于承担责任的人, 那么对父母而言,仅仅有爱是不够的, 还需要学习许多技能, 特别是运用语言的能力, 因为, 语言很有可能变成一把刀, 会在许多不经意的时候造成痛苦, 这种痛苦不是身体上的, 而更多可能是精神上或情感上, 而且会伴随孩子的一生. 家长利用常识和爱去教导和抚育孩子, 有时就象一个医生对于在手术台上的病人说, 我没有学过外科的技术, 但我会用爱和常识去给你做手术一样, 结果是病人可能会吓跑. 仅有爱和常识的父母可能会带给孩子不轻松的成长过程, 甚至形成很多阻碍孩子成长的潜伏的因素.
  Some parents may be nonplussed by the above question. What do parents need to learn or study? In actual fact, the answer is YES. If you want your child to become an honest, compassionate and responsible human being, you will need more than love to achieve that. There are important parental skills to be learnt, particularly the skills to use language, because badly handled language could turn into a knife that may easily cause pain when you least expect it. This pain is not of the physical type, but emotional or spiritual, and may last a lifetime. To bring up a child with just love and common sense, is akin to treating a patient with love and common sense. Obviously this could be disastrous, but without some specific and refined skills that must be learnt, parents may cause their children’s upbringing to be accompanied by pain and hurt, even disaster.

  父母需要学习的是一种能够帮助孩子在人格上成长的方法。当然,这样做的最有效的方法是以身作则,言传身教。“言传”这方面包括如何管束孩子却不会让孩子觉得丢脸, 如何批评孩子却不会让孩子遭到贬低, 如何不加评判的赞扬孩子, 如何发怒却又不伤害孩子, 如何承认孩子的感觉,认知和观点, 而不是和孩子争论; 如何对孩子做出回应, 才能让孩子学会相信自己的内心, 才能培养孩子的自信; 如何以非控制和非依赖的方式爱孩子并尊重孩子独立的需要等等. 作为家长, 如果有这种意识, 为人父母是需要学习一些技能的, 就为有机会与孩子建立和睦有益, 以及能和孩子真正有效沟通奠定了重要的基础.
  Parents need to learn how to help their child develop character and personality. Of course the best way to achieve this is by example. But in communications with your child, specific skills are needed to allow the child to keep his/her dignity when they are told off, to praise the child without qualification, to get angry without hurting the child, to accept your child’s feelings without argument, to respect the child’s independence without condition. As a parent, you need to have this awareness and will to acquire such skills and techniques, to have really effective communication with your child.

  特别推荐家长必读的好书 《孩子, 把你的手给我》 作者海姆·吉诺特
  I would like to recommend a book to all parents. It is entitled Between Parent and Child, by Dr. Haim G Ginott
 

 心理咨询师   SCIE School Counselor

 唐然       Laura TANG
 

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